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10:31 pm
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Life lessons
Here's life advice, from me to you: Do not buy a house.
Am googling selling house roof allowance "filled with rage"
Will keep you apprised of the results.
Edit: Found twitter account of home buyer, FEEL EXTREMELY WEIRD ABOUT IT.
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10:36 pm
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The Second Circuit is probably my least favorite Circuit
Really, majority justice in Thomas v. Board of Education? It was a "pasquinade"? Not just a "satire," or a "lampoon" or even an "anonymous parody"? It was definitely necessary to use the word "pasquinade"? Really? You're sure?
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09:17 pm
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Words I've been using lately
Or perhaps, overusing lately.
Word #1: Cognizant.
I use it as just a fancy way to say "aware." And who doesn't like to be fancy?
Sample sentence: "Ugh, people getting on the bus need to be cognizant of their backpacks instead of hitting me in the face with them."
How much the word irritates my spouse, on a ten point scale: Very low. No visible eye rolls or head shakes when this one is used. 0/10
Word #2: Inflammatory.
This word is great because you can accuse other people of being inflammatory if you dislike what they're saying. Thus you can refuse to engage with the statement without acknowledging its truth.
Sample sentence: "Your description of me forgetting where Starbucks is located was needlessly inflammatory."
How much the word irritates my spouse: Relatively low. 1/10
Word #3: Dreadful.
This word appeals because it conveys such a flat dismissal, especially when applied to a person or entire worldview. Extremely powerful due to its utter negativity.
Sample sentence: "Your new girlfriend is dreadful." (Ouch, right?! That's why it's such a great word!)
How much the word irritates my spouse: Was described as being a word my mom would use. 10/10
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11:16 pm
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Proposed autobiography title, part 2
Sorry I Spilled Mediterranean Salad on Your Bag: The Nearlyanyjedi Story*
*Also based on a true story
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10:12 am
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If this doesn't make you laugh, I don't even want to know you
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09:21 pm
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Variations of this scene happen to me basically every day
Time: 5:30 p.m.
[Nearlyanyjedi arrives home.]
"I have lots to accomplish around the house, better get started."
"Oh hey they're counting down the 50 best candy bars of all time on TV, definitely need to watch this whole thing."
"Yeah, Whatchamacallit was a pretty good candy bar."
"Oh I remember Charleston Chew, well not like I ate it too often but I definitely remember it being around."
"Choco-Lite? I've never even heard of that, so I'll look it up on Wikipedia, as well as doing all the appropriate follow up research of course."
Time: 11:50 p.m.
[Nearlyanyjedi goes to bed.]
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04:51 pm
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Sounds painful
"The White House on Sunday issued a blistering 500-word response to a scathing 5,000-word article on the front page of Sunday's New York Times that says..."
Is there like a Scoville unit scale for determining the relative snippiness of a communique? Or perhaps it's directly correlated to length? Like if the response had been only 100 words it would have been a scorching rebuttal, or if the NYT piece had been any longer it would have been merely a smoldering rumination?
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11:31 pm
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Recipe
Jaynimoxta
Ingredients:
Steak
Red wine
7-Up
Coca Cola
Steps:
1. Cook steak
2. Try to make red wine reduction sauce for steak; sauce fails.
3. Joylessly consume poorly sauced steak.
4. Wine bottle is open, might as well drink some.
5. Red wine is dag-nasty.
6. A red wine spritzer would probably be okay.
7. Reach into 7-Up box.
7. Despite being in fridge, 7-Up box is empty.
8. Cocksucker! Cocksucker.
9. Grab Coke instead.
10. Go 1:1 with wine and Coke over ice.
11. Yesssssss.
Optional Step 12. Leave oven on for several hours.
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10:35 pm
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Crucial update
I just caught an M&M in my mouth that my husband tossed at me. It did not take as many tries as you would think.
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12:05 am
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It's hard to sleep in this time zone
The heart is like the oxen in the yoke of personality: powerful but stupid.
Today my mom mentioned doing something with the money that was in K's college fund. My heart immediately twinged and it said "You can't do that! He might need it, because maybe he'll still come back!"
And my brain sighed and said "Heart, how many times do we have to go over this? He's not ever coming back."
And my heart said, "...maybe, though!"
The heart is a slow learner.
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09:25 pm
[Link] | One year ago today, I ate some special cake. Married cake.
So far it has gone from great to awesome. I recommend marriage to everyone, or at least everyone who can find an amazing person like Zach.
Today at the office I complained to anyone who would listen that it's my anniversary and here I am at work. Steve said, "Well, the first anniversary *is* the paper anniversary, isn't it?" and gestured to the papers on my desk. Steve is approximately my favorite person at the firm.
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11:10 pm
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Oops
Number of days this took: 21
Number of people who helped: 0
Don't let this happen to someone you love. Friend Don't Let Friends Move Away From Husband, Family, and Friends For Three Friggin Months.(tm)
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12:00 am
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A Juhl homage
Things that nothing's gonna do, according to the hits of the '80s:
-Break my stride
-Change my love for you
-Stop me now
-Stop us now
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11:16 pm
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This is how I live now
Thank you for joining us for another thrilling episode of Things Jayne Wonders. Tonight's episode:
"Did I ever finish that banana, or is it just laying around somewhere?"
This has been...Things Jayne Wonders
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10:17 pm
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Hi folks, I'm still alive and making a token effort at running
June's foot mileage: 24
Read now and receive bonus recipe!
Gin Jayne-let
Rose's Lime Juice (I guess if you can find a different kind of lime juice, good on ya, but that would be suprising to me) - Some
Bombay Sapphire Gin - A bunch
Drink should be pale green; it should slide down your gullet on a hot summer evening.
And to the couple in front of me at Safeway, snickering at the fact that I was just buying booze and mixer: you're both unfuckable. Enjoy your evening.
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08:44 pm
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Memo
To: Fellow female summer associate
From: Nearlyanyjedi
Re: The way when they take us out to lunch, you will eat a tiny portion of whatever, and then go on with the "Oh my God, there's sooooo much food here, I'm sooooo full, aren't you sooooo full?"
You know what? Eat, or don't eat, whatever, I don't care. Just don't try to make me participate in your little food shame ritual.
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10:16 pm
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This was one of more than a dozen similar
There is only one word I can add to this, and that word is LOL.
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03:44 pm
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Probably just oversensitive about this
From the AP:
IOWA CITY, Iowa - A week's work of frantic sandbagging by students, professors and the National Guard couldn't spare this bucolic college town from the surging Iowa River, which has swamped more than a dozen campus buildings and forced the evacuation Sunday of hundreds of nearby homes.
Bucolic? Really? Iowa City is bucolic? Inhabited by rustic peasant folk? "Oh please National Guard, save our little university! We're a simple people, it's all we have! If it's gone, where shall we have our idyllic harvest festivals and May-pole dances?"
Also our house is supposedly fine, it's on high ground.
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08:25 pm
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Not that I would want any hugs from these people
May's foot mileage - 10.2 miles. Moving across the country and working like a grownup kept me way too busy this month.
Here's a great description of work from my friend Mary, who (thank God) works at the same firm I do: "I didn't giggle once today. There were no giggles and no hugs." Life as a summer associate, everyone: high pay, fancy lunches, but no giggles, no hugs.
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09:03 pm
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Recipe
Stinkbreath sandwiches
Pita bread - Little mini ones are fun
Baba ghanoush
Salsa cruda - Heavy on the onions brother
Put the baba ghanoush on the pita bread. Then put the salsa on the baba ghanoush (it will act as glue). Some grilled chicken would be good here too, if you know how to make grilled chicken; I don't (not kidding). Putting falafel in here would be the ultimate though. If you know how to make falafel you and me should be friends.
Consume only when husband is 2000 miles away. Tears of loneliness are a nice garnish but strictly optional.
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